Revitalizing a Golf Brand’s Ecommerce Site
In the competitive world of golf equipment, standing out and conveying your brand's value is pivotal. I recently worked to help a Tokyo-based manufacturer of golf balls for players with weaker swings renew its online store to enhance its digital footprint and brand perception.
The Challenge
Established six years prior, the company had successfully developed golf balls engineered to reduce air resistance and assist those with weaker swings. Despite having a bilingual website, its English pages were underperforming in converting visitors into customers. The root of this issue lay in a direct translation of its Japanese content, which failed to engage native English-speaking audiences effectively.
Our Approach
As a subcontractor for a Tokyo agency, I localized and rewrote the website's revised content to create engaging, informative copy that resonated with the target groups' specific needs.
The approach involved several vital strategies:
Audience Understanding: Deeply comprehending the target audience's needs and challenges, tailoring the copy to empathize with and address these issues.
Highlighting the Benefits: Focusing on the unique benefits of the golf balls, such as reduced air resistance and improved flight, and how these catered specifically to players with weaker swings. Prioritizing the practical benefits of the product over technical specifications in the copy.
Persuasive Language: Utilizing words like "discover," "exclusive," and "guaranteed" to build confidence in the product.
Social Proof: We incorporated customer testimonials and expert endorsements to enhance credibility, using relatable stories to forge a connection with the audience.
Clear CTAs: Ensuring that each piece of content had a compelling call to action.
SEO Optimization: Strategically using relevant keywords for better search engine visibility.
Educational Content: Providing useful golf-related information to establish the brand as a knowledgeable authority.
Through these strategies, I effectively communicated the unique value of the golf balls, leading to increased engagement and sales.
Example
Below is an expert from their About Us page showing how I moved beyond the direct translation to craft copy that would resonate with the target audience.
Direct Translation
Golf Brings People Together
In our many years of being commissioned to manage golf courses, many people have said, "As I get older, the ball doesn't fly as well, and it has become boring. We want people of all ages, including seniors, to enjoy golf for as long as possible. We also want people of all ages to enjoy golf together. We want to connect people and expand the circle of friendship through golf.
Rewrite
Golf: Connecting People
Throughout our years of managing golf courses, we've often heard players express their concerns about growing older, as their balls don't fly as far, making the game less enjoyable. We believe golf should be a lifelong pleasure for everyone, regardless of age or gender. We aim to nurture connections across generations through golf and expand the community of players.
Why it Works
The rewritten version is more suitable for native English speakers for several reasons:
Concise and Engaging Title: "Golf: Connecting People" is a more concise and engaging title compared to the original. It immediately conveys the passage's main idea and is more likely to capture the reader's attention.
Improved Sentence Structure: The rewritten version uses more natural sentence structures, making it easier for native speakers to read and understand. For example, "Throughout our years of managing golf courses" flows better than "In our many years of being commissioned to manage golf courses."
Idiomatic Language: The rewrite uses more idiomatic expressions, such as "Players express their concerns" instead of "We have heard many people say." This makes the text sound more natural and relatable to native speakers.
Active Voice: The rewritten version uses active voice more frequently, which makes the text more engaging and easier to follow. For instance, "We aim to nurture connections" is more direct and impactful than "We want to connect people."
Clearer Message: The rewrite conveys the main points more clearly and concisely. It focuses on connecting people through golf and expanding the community of players without getting bogged down in specific details like "the ball doesn't fly as well."
Inclusive Language: The rewritten version emphasizes golf's inclusivity by mentioning "regardless of age or gender," which appeals to a broader audience and aligns with contemporary values.
Overall, the rewritten version is more engaging, concise, and better suited for native English speakers while effectively conveying the central message of the original text.
Results
The project transcended mere translation, encompassing cultural adaptation and tailoring the brand's message to resonate across diverse global markets. The revamped website is now competitive with leading international golf brands regarding its copywriting and overall presentation quality. It effectively addresses the audience's needs and desires, promising a significant uptick in conversion rates and a solid global brand presence.
